The Scale Really Is Broken

My wife has been saying it for a number of weeks as she went on a very successful diet.  I kept refusing to admit her critique of our scale had any merit.  I tried to blame it on high humidity, low temperature or the scale just having a bad day.  However, the facts can no longer be ignored, the scale is really broken.

After dreading the visit to the doctor where my physical would take place, I arrived and was quickly admitted to my own private room.  Before making me aware of my accommodations, I did hop on the scale.  Although my shoes were off, the weight did come in more than I expected – approximately the 6 pounds my wife had been telling me our home scale was off. While enjoying my excellent room and bed, I was prodded, pressured (as in blood), pulsed, and poked (in one of my most unfavorite ways).  Considering my age, the quick evaluation made me look like a healthy old man.  (This physical was far better than the Valentine’s Day physical of 2008.  One particular “poking” seemed especially wrong on that day.)  I did have an one odd finding…one ear was hoarding the ear wax and the other one was clean…???

Since there was nothing else serious to talk about, the doctor did have to mention the news provided by “their” broken scale.  While my weight is less than 10% more than what it was when I graduated from High School, I still was sensitive about his comments.  So, despite my near daily walking, almost daily vitamins, and attempts to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night, I can do better. (The fruits of Halloween do deserve some blame for the excessive weight spiking.  Just because something whispers my name and won’t stop until I eat it is no excuse.  I am an adult and should be immune to such childish contrivances.)

Going forward, a couple of possibilities exist:

  1. I can crank the scale back so it “zeroes” below zero but still gives me the weight I want to see.
  2. I can heed the advise of the doctor’s lying scale.  I can add 6 lbs to my scales delivered weight until I am within the doctor’s recommendations.
  3. I can move to a planet with a lesser gravity and greater accuracy in its weight providing equipment
  4. I can cut off appendages until the necessary weight is achieved.

So, as tempting as these options are, I really am just going to have to make some goals.  Whether it is “no noodle” November or “no sandwich” Sundays, I will have to have a plan and stick to it.  Assuming all of the test come back within range and I don’t have to see the doctor again soon, I have a year to lose my weight or…move to Venus.


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