Exchange Students

Conversation While Cleaning the Wok

As we did a little Korean cooking this weekend in our wok, the need to clean the wok for that meal and for sins in previous cleaning was scheduled with our Chinese student on Sunday afternoon. She has such a great heart to take the lead in this task, so even though I had done yard work already, I was glad to find out proper wok maintenance from an expert.

As we used a green scratchy pad and a little “soft” soap to clean the wok, we did quite a bit of talking. She told about her experiences with the exchange student process. And, she informed me she was not very interested in attending the orientation weekend with the other exchange students this weekend – her mother would not sign the paperwork to grant her permission. I am sure I volunteered some other info on our family as well. As the wok got shinier, our conversation got deeper.

“Is your son a Christian?”, she asked. (This question surprised me a bit. Culturally, she is not any religion. She has been willing to participate in the parts of our life that actively make us Christians. We hope all areas of our life reflect our faith, but she has actively participated in church and attending Christian school with my daughters.)

I replied, “He has chosen not to be right now.” (Of course, this is a disappointment to us, but we are working on understanding why this is so. We are trusting God to bring him back in His time.)

“That is odd. I thought he would be a Christian if his parents were Christians.”, she stated.

I replied (I don’t remember exactly, but it went something like this), “He went to a Christian school for 13 years. And, once he graduated, he decided it was not important to him right now. He still has a good heart, but he does not see the importance of many of the things his mother and I believe. He knows Jesus died for his sins (I tried to make sure she had some knowledge of this. I did not want to over explain. I wanted to answer her question w/ the hope I would give her enough to think it over further. She is almost certain to think something over before she speaks.), but he is not interested in that right now. We hope he chooses to make the decision to follow Jesus again. It is his decision to make to follow Jesus – his mother and I can’t make it for him.” (Due to any language and or “Christian-lingo” words, I may have had to state or restate the above in a slightly different way.)

There was additional back and forth to clarify a couple of details – I didn’t take the reigns of the conversation. She asked, and I answered. Based on knowing her 2.5 weeks, she is a thinker. She will have more questions, and when she does, I hope and pray I am able to provide information to allow her to continue to be curious and ask questions.

Tongue Twisters: Lost In Translation

As is often the case, something is said and the unexplained synapses takes place. When in a house with 4 teenage girls of three differing nationalities, it is sometimes hard to remember what the catalyst was for the mental belly smacker. Whatever the case, I started reciting the tongue twister “Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers……”

Following this, it was only logical to ask if they also have tongue twisters in their countries. And, although I expected it, I was a little caught off guard when they recited them. With no ability to determine what syllable belonged to what word, I had no chance of understanding and/or repeating any of the 3 or 4 tongue twisters they rapidly produced. All I could do was stare blankly with my mouth slightly ajar with 100% confidence I could not reproduce ANY of the sounds they had just completed uttering.

Feeling like a failure due to my tongues lack of energy and enthusiasm, the only way to partially redeem myself was asking, “So, what do they mean?” The first Korean tongue twister was something to do with a giraffe with a long neck but due to peer pressure he needed a shorter neck so he accidentally got bariatric surgery instead of neck reduction surgery. The second Korean tongue twister had something to do with two guys who owned the same store or similar stores, but one of them wouldn’t order items from China, so he was having trouble making any profit. (There is a small chance I forgot exactly what the tongue twister was about—very small!) The Chinese one had something to do with a tree that was growing slowly and a panda could not wait on it to grow so he decided to start eating the bamboo. (Also sketchey on the translation of this one.) Regardless of their meanings, I am absolutely certain the English explanation of what they claimed they said was not remotely close to a tongue twister. And, for all I know, they may have been reciting their alphabet or “Mary had a little lamb” (or equivalent)

Why do I seem to take pleasure in distorting reality so? Why do I insist on falsely remembering what exactly happened? Once my age is dismissed and my disposition is adjusted for, I just enjoy making a smile (or hint of a smile) appear on someones face. And, if it has not been noticed, I am certain we have the best exchange students ever. It has been great fun, and we have SO much school year to go. I have asked them both already if their parents will just let them stay with us. Since this seems unlikely, we will try to suck as much culture out of them as we can. Not being greedy, we are offering to fill the newly greatly void with all of the American culture they can handle. Lots of good times await!

Our Visit To H-Mart

Our exchange students have completed their first two weeks in America and their first full week of school. And, if I was in a foreign country, this would certainly be worth a reward! So, enter “H-Mart”…..

After our cross country meet nearby (the meet ended after 7:30 and we were HUNGRY!), we pull into H-mart. I saw pictures on-line, but I really didn’t know what to expect. Upon walking in, we were besieged my Asians from many different countries and the rattling from my exchange students of “I know that.” It was a little overwhelming! Vegetables I see in American stores and many I have not seen before ever! Despite all of the visual attractions, the “food court” drew us all to its offerings.

Once we settled whose noodles were better or who was serving real Korean food (H-Mart appears to focus on Korean food choices, but it also carries Chinese, Japanese and others as well), we all made our different decisions. Despite strong evidence of collusion among the various food court vendors, there seem to be enough variety to get a combination of Chinese dumplings, noodle soup (extra hot), a seafood soup with thick noodles, the #1 favorite listing from the nice Korean guy (he fried my egg for me even though it is normally raw), and Jenny’s cold noodles. The dishes were quickly shared and much latitude was given to strictness in enforcing the “chopstick-only” rule. (The soups demanded spoons, but they sure can get you much bigger mouthfuls then only chopsticks.)

After eating our fill, collecting a couple of take home boxes for the remainders and placing our food trays and dishes on the rack, we attempted to complete our shopping quest. With Jenny preparing to cook her meal Sunday night, (two days hence) many of the items that entered the cart were for her anticipated menu. Dawn, knowing her turn would come again before another trip to the Asian store, also acquired a couple of items to facilitate her next journey into the “head chef” zone. After grabbing a couple of purple sweet potatoes to prove they existed, we went through the checkout. Jenny carried on an extended conversation w/ our cashier. She felt good about all of her items except her lack of “thinly cut” beef which she needed for her meal. I tried to convince her we would be okay, but she was very insistent. Judy took the other two out to the car while Jenny and I went on the “thin beef” quest.

After negotiating the aisles and again finding the correct beef, she was perplexed by whether the frozen or fresh beef was the better decision. After she waved down a fellow customer and convincing her she needed to help her, she was advised to get the frozen. After finding the proper amount of beef and heading to the front, our fellow customer “assaulted” us and assured us our BEST decision was to get the fresh beef. After going back and exchanging our meat packages, we again went to the front where the cashier we previously used was available. She looked at Jenny’s choice, and immediately told her she wanted to have the frozen. So, we scamper back quickly to the meat case (we had walked this path a few times) and made the appropriate exchanges. We had to use a different cashier to make our final purchase (the other cashier was ringing up a big order for someone making their own kimchi–lots of napa cabbage, salt and Korean radishes.). The transaction was quickly completed before we heading home after our nearly 1.5 hour adventure in the store.

Ultimately, I don’t yet know what tomorrow’s meal will taste like, but I do like our chances. If I didn’t have daughters in cross country and exchange students, how else would I spend my Friday nights? High school football games?

Exchange Personalities

Having survived my first weekend with our exchange students, their personalities are starting to become more clear. The honeymoon is not yet over officially–they are still acting very polite and are very joyful. As their sleep becomes more normalized, their personalities also become more clear….

Our Korean student has some very clear traits:

She is very enthusiastic and joyful. She can make peeling a peach or cutting a melon into pieces a great deal of fun. She says “great” often, and for her, I think it is.
Mosquitoes seem to like her. I teased her and told her, “When the mosquitoes knew we were going to get exchange students, they requested someone from Korea. Koreans are extra-sweet!”
She is having a little more trouble adjusting to the time change. She took another nap today of about 2 hours. I don’t think her adjustment is going as well OR all of the language translation going on inside her head is taking its toll.
She absolutely loves fruit. She is adventuresome in trying new food. And, I don’t think we have offered them anything to eat yet that they have not liked. (We made grilled chicken on the grill tonight. There were a couple of spots with darker grill marks. Both of the students cut these off, but ate all of the rest of it.)
She never had cantaloupe before coming to the US. She now loves it! Our Chinese students said Chinese cantaloupe-ish melons are bigger and not as sweet. And, honey dew melons are smaller than US honey dews.
We joked with her tonight. She dislikes the bright sunlight. And, since it was cloudy the past two days, we suggested she prayed for the clouds and the rain so she wouldn’t have to deal with them. She really doesn’t realize how lucky she was to experience a rainy day!

Our Chinese student is similar but different:

Although both of our students seem to grasp the English language at a pretty good level, our Chinese student seems to do it at a slightly higher level. Both of them grasp many new concepts well, but our Chinese student seems to be able to make greater leaps during conversations.
She loves to fold paper into various designs. She labored today for a considerable period of time trying to make a paper rose. She worked on it for over an hour. She is certainly capable of pretty good concentration.
On her cellphone/Itouch or what it is, she has a translation program. If we are talking and she can’t think of an English word, she does a search on it to try and keep the conversation moving. It has helped numerous times!
She was not planning on doing cross-country, but her mother told her she needs to exercise. She may only run/walk a couple of times per week. I believe Asian cultures typically respect their elders quite a bit. It is certainly the case with her. (Our Korean student also seems to have very good relationships with her parents.)
We had sweet potatoes for supper tonight. She claims the “meat” in sweet potatoes in China is purple. The Korean student claims the outside is purple and the inside is yellow.
It only took 3 days to get them into the pool. I believe they wished they would have braved it sooner. Where our Chinese student took the water temperature calmly, our Korean student had to talk her way in….
It was our first time to take them to Sonic tonight for a half-price milk shake. Our Chinese student remained strong and only sampled everyones. Our Korean student seems almost guaranteed to gain some weight–she finds it hard to say “no” to our treats.
I think she has a very good relationship with her father. She caught me individually a couple of times for extended conversations. She is a fine young lady!

As we continue to observe and respond to the small curves/hiccups that now fill our life, we are grateful. I try to keep my mind active with bits of sass doled out to all available family members. The experience of having exchange students allows me brain to operate on overdrive. My sass potential has gone up! My linking of jokes to other comments and events over the last 4 days has made my brain feel years younger! As school prepares to start in a couple of days, I know I will have less interaction with the girls. I think it will be fine. The synapses will keep firing even without a full day of exposure. Truly grateful we made the decision to open our home to two fine young ladies who are so eager to share and absorb.

Benefits of 4 Teenagers

On the surface, having 4 teenage daughters in the house did seem very intimidating. Not all daughters are as “good” as my girls. After having lived under my “dictatorial” authority for all of their lives, we somehow have become pretty good friends. Having exchange students in the house gave our family a chance to be exposed to other cultures (we have no idea how a family in another country could send their young teenage daughters to another country to visit a family they have never met before.) Importing a school years worth of culture experiences seems to be a very good value on our end. (The small private school my daughters go to has not had exchange students for over 6 years.) We hope the end of the year fulfills just a fraction of the expectations we have put on our “wish” list. Our two students certainly make us think it will be far exceeded.

Early on, the biggest benefit seems to be the number of willing hands available in the kitchen. In the above pictures, the girls are preparing spinach wraps for lunch. At our house, wraps and/or fajitas (or even quesadillas) can be a way to clean out a couple different warmups. And, this meal was no exception. Besides the vegetable options of green onions, lettuce, spinach, cucumbers and tomatoes, there were the meat options of grilled chicken, bbq chicken thighs, or fajita steak meat. Once these incredibly difficult decisions were made, one of two cheeses needed to be chosen before choosing one of 5 salad dressings. (our students preferred mixing dressings with Italian being very necessary in either). Before I forget, this is an additional benefit to me because I was able to take pictures and observe during the whole process.

The exchange student screeners must be very good at finding potential students who have a good supply of energy and enthusiasm for nearly everything. “Want to help with lunch?” or “Want to go to Walmart?” or even “Want to play a game?” becomes a party since there is a near guarantee of 2 willing exchange student participants. With the addition of all of their adrenaline, the house is a place with more laughs, noises and attempts (some attempts do fail) at humor with the ability to cross cultural boundaries. It has been very fun.

It is a shame their purpose in coming is so they can go to school, too. Trying to go to a school and learn in a different language is certain to limit their ability to volunteer or fully participate in the “fun” we have tried to lay as a foundation in our household. As with our own kids, we (my wife and I AND our older, commuting college son when he is available) will just try and be available for the girls. If they want to do a puzzle or need help with homework or need to have something in English explained, we want to be with their to fulfill our obligation to them. And, if our brains get stretched during the whole process, we won’t have to spend time on some website doing brain gymnastics.

We can embrace the days, the moments and the events of a life with 4 teenage daughters. They are not sisters (yes, 2 of the 4 are), but if we treat them enough like sisters, we give them an experience and a truckload of memories to carry throughout their entire lives. Relationships and the very hard to acquire “close relationships” are something money cannot buy. This year of the 4 teenagers is a priceless experience that may appear “hard” from the outside. But, it is not. (There will be a hiccup or 2 or 3 or….) Every day is an invitation to learn about a culture and to invest in the lives of those given to me by God(2 daughters), and those borrowed from Asia. This sounds like a much better invitation than the demands of rising everyday to earn a paycheck. Shame on me if I don’t jump out of bed to grab hold of every moment the day offers me. (If only cross-country did not demand leaving the house before 6 AM for the next two months.)

Exchange Jam

As we continue to get used to our 2 exchange students, we continue to realize we will have surprises for a few days/weeks/months.

In our house, the piano shares a room with my daughter’s guinea pigs. After a brief visit to the guinea pigs, our exchange students engaged in an impromptu “jam session”. (Jam session is being stretched to its limit by describing what they engaged in. Since it was not rehearsed, it seems to be a great way to properly build expectations….) Knowing the 2 girls have seemed to form a very special bond in the few days they have known each other made their piano session a confirmation of the relationship. To think they have over 9 more months to cultivate the relationship!

Exchange Students As A Mission Field

As the father of two exchange students, I was fully aware I would have some adjustments. As a family, we knew it would keep us busy. Besides the getting to know them and the figuring out what they like to eat, we wanted to make sure we unraveled where each of the students was at spiritually. The Chinese student was VERY easy. No affiliation does not make you think your work is already done. (The fact she is attending a Christian school certainly makes us think she is open to the idea. Or, maybe the desire to learn English far surpasses her lack of interests in anything overtly spiritual.) Our Korean student is a Christian who was recently baptized before coming to our home. So, we thought most of our work was done.

Their first weekend in our home led to our first trip to church together. I was prepared to handle both students differently, but the post-church discussion makes me not so sure….

Korean student: As we walked out of church, she asked me, “What is sin?” I just thought this was a failure of her English education. When a response of “bad things” did not seem to get the right facial expressions, I tried to refer to the Bible and Moses and the 10 commandments. I am not sure if this had any more success. Certainly something to stay mindful of. I am not sure culturally if this is a failure or if it is just a translation issue. Plenty of time to observe….
Chinese student: The sermon was on the Holy Spirit. She sat nicely, listened intently, stood when the “entertainment team” did their singing, and clapped at all of the right times. As I listened tot he sermon, I viewed it as a “heavy” sermon. I am not sure how she perceived it. With another 9+ months of living with us and the attending a Christian school, it would seem I would not be trusting the Holy Spirit at all if I tried to convert her after just one sermon. She will certainly be the subject of our prayers.

So much time remains with them. We look to our faith growing from them being here. And, we look forward to observing some seeds taking root (or roots growing more deeply) within both of their lives. We feel very blessed to be able to observe them as they begin/continue a faith journey in a different culture.

24 Hours An Exchange Parent

As we have now passed our first 24 hours of being exchange parents, we are pretty sure we have 2 of the best kids in the exchange program as our guest. Their English is better than expected, and their smiles are almost as cute as those of our own girls.

What we have witnessed at the conclusion of the first full day:

They keep bringing gifts out of their suitcases for us. After the first wave of gifts last night (very thoughtful gifts for the young girls as well as the parental units–we think there parents may have given them some wise guidance!)
Our Korean student is nearly afraid of the sun. She prefers the clouds and rain of her homeland. At numerous stops today, she ran from the car to the store and back to the shade of the car when we came back out. She squinted her eyes and looked down. The heat was stifling to her. At one of our stops, she got a magazine to protect her eyes. Sunglasses and a hat are on the Sunday shopping list.
Our Chinese student has a cold/allergy. While in China last year, I realized how great it is to have a hot water pot as an appliance. When our student asked for hot water, I thought, “She must want to make tea.” This was not what she wanted! She only wanted to drink the hot water. When we went shopping today, she put hot water in a thermos so she could drink it while we were gone. Very strange, but if she gets healthy, it is good!
Our Korean student is not wasteful at all. While helping to make guacamole tonight, she clean out the avocado cleaner than I believe I have ever seen it. There was virtually no flesh left inside the “shell”. She did a remarkable job! And, while eating cantaloupe and eating it off of the rind, I do not believe I have EVER seen anyone bite it off so close to the rind. The got nearly all of the orangey flesh w/ no complaints of eating a bitter rind.
Our Korean student was also very intent on getting organize shampoo. We went to Target, but no options were worthwhile. It took going to Sprouts to get her a viable option. Organic shampoo is NOT cheap!
Our Chinese student could work at Chick-Fil-A! She tries very hard to be helpful. When I thank her for her help, she says, “My pleasure.” I will enjoying it while it last. Once school, life and the lack of sleep mount up, her enthusiasm for being helpful may be gone as well…
Our Korean student is a shopper! As we went to Hobby Lobby to look at watercolors, she kept getting distracted. She would wonder from item to item and once it was explained (and sometimes not), she would say, “Great!” (I guess this is a good non-committal word used to show interest, but not excessive enthusiasm.)
While visiting their new school today (my bio-daughter has a robotics camp open house we were attending), the girls both met two people who spoke their native tongue. They took on a special glow as they conversed in Chinese or Korean. Someday, they might be able to be the adult who greets the exchange student in their native tongue unexpectedly. It was a special gift they received twice over today!
It was a REALLY good move having two exchange students of the same gender in our house at the same time. Since one is a Christian and the other is not, this offers a benefit. Also, they can be the buddies to each other that our bio-kids have been able to be to each other. (All of our 4 kids had a same gender sibling who was w/i 16 months of their own age.) They share a bunk bed in a good size room. They treat each other nearly like sisters, and although I have not heard “twinsey” speak or anything resembling it, the fact they both speak an Asian language gives them more in common than I can likely fully appreciate.

Very early in my “sentence” that will run the full school year I feel very fortunate! Even though 4 teenage girls is more than most men could take, I am not “most men”. I signed up for this, and I grateful to invest in the lives of as many kids (whether my own, exchange students or any other variation) as I can. I am not sure what I will be when I grow up….until I find out, just call me “dad”….

Pre-Exchange Student Jitters

Today my life will begin a 10 month (or so) period of adjusting. No, I am not undergoing any medical procedures. And, I am not starting a new job. On Thursday, I will become an “exchange dad”.

In the past, our family has done fostering. (Foster kids in the house = foster dad.) In this role, I had some ups and downs. The kids the county brought into our house and gave us the opportunity to parent had a variety of challenges. None of those challenges are expected with these two. The “big” issue is going to be cultural. We are going to have to try and “Americanize” them while allowing ourselves to me slightly converted to their cultures. (The “slight” may vary from individual to individual household member, but we are pretty sure they will be rubbing off on us a little…)

Since being assigned the two girls, we have been sending a couple of emails back and forth every week. We know about their families (one girl has a “little father”–her father’s twin brother) and we have some idea what they may be interested in once they get here. We know one is a Christian and one has no affiliation. We know their age, country of origin, and birthdays. All of this really tells us nothing about how we might interact with them. Yes, emails can give you a little information. An email will not tell you if it took them 1/2 hour to write a few lines as they translated from their foreign language; it won’t tell you if they were smiling when they wrote it, or how anxious they were about leaving their native culture for a few months.

This is where I come in as the exchange dad. My kids will tell you (as will many of their friends)…I am a little quirky. If my kids are any indication, I must be on the “right” side of quirky. As I have enjoyed the quizzical looks on my kids faces as I have tried to invite them into some brain aerobics, I look forward to doing the same with the exchange students. As their English skills grow, I look forward to continuing to stretch their grasp of the language. I realize I need to have mercy on them. As those who look cross-eyed are warned “they may stay that way”, if they look quizzical too long, I have to be concerned their faces might also “stay that way” if there brain is stretched beyond is normal elasticity.

Unfortunately, my kids are used to all of my old, stale jokes. Although they do ask me to repeat them at certain intervals or act disappointed if I fail to attempt a fresh delivery of the “overplayed” material, I need a new audience. Reworking my dad material for a new set of kids w/ a different cultural background is a a challenge I am anxious to take on. There is a chance I may fail and find out my humor and “dadness” don’t cross cultural boundaries. The emails already exchanged with them make me think this will not be the case…. If I need to, I will develop some new material and give my old (nearly half century old) brain a project for the coming year. Looking forward to what stretch marks I have to show when the school year draws to a close!

Walking Down Life's Road With Andy