(I had some help organizing my thoughts, but there is LOTS OF ME in this post. My friend just helped me out.)

The dentist visit wasn’t bad. I mean, it could have been worse. I could have been visiting a dentist in Russia. There could have been pain. But overall, it was a pretty good experience—well, as good as a day at the dentist can get. Let’s review the highlights of my tooth-taming escapade.

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1. The Numbing Juice: A Marathon, Not a Sprint

I was given the choice: a shot or gas. I went with the shot, and wow, did it pack a punch. I write this at nearly 5:00 p.m., and my face is just now returning to normal.

The “numb-numb juice” was administered around 11:00 a.m., and it stayed with me like an overcommitted houseguest. My nose finally joined the land of the living sometime after lunch, during which I carefully sipped a milkshake so I wouldn’t accidentally chew my own cheek. Pro tip: nothing says “good decision” like avoiding self-inflicted mouth injuries.

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2. From Rock Legends to Light Rock Ambiance

The radio started off strong with 80s and 90s rock. But at some point, the station switched to light rock. A sudden Beach Boys song made me question everything. Are the Beach Boys considered light rock? Or were they just preparing me for the emotional rollercoaster of dental work? The world may never know.

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3. The “Wheel of Fortune” Numbing Timeline

By the time the numbness finally wore off, it was Wheel of Fortune time. That’s seven hours of “throw the pain in the other room” magic. Reflecting back, the dentist did mention, “The cavities are really close to the nerve.” I guess that explained the Olympic-level dose of numbing juice.

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4. The Block: My New Favorite Dental Gadget

Let’s talk about the block—the little device they stick in your mouth to prop it open. At first, it felt weird and awkward, but when they removed it to let me rest, I realized how much I relied on it. Without it, I had no clue how far to keep my mouth open. The block became my security blanket. Everyone needs a crutch sometimes, and mine was a piece of plastic wedged between my teeth.

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5. The Surprise Cavity Bonus

While she was working, the dentist casually said, “Hey, I noticed another cavity while I was in there. I went ahead and prepped it for a filling, too.”

Uh, come again?

Apparently, while my face was numb and I was blissfully unaware, they decided to tackle a bonus cavity. It was all perfectly legal, of course—thanks to the form I initialed beforehand. You know the one: “The estimate is just an estimate. If additional mutually beneficial work is identified, we’ll take care of it!” Well played, dentist. Well played.

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6. Tear-Off Cavities: The Sequel No One Asked For

Two out of the three cavities today were what they called “tear-offs.” Essentially, the edges of old fillings decided to betray me and let the bad guys in. The third cavity was the surprise bonus cavity. Not a freebie, but hey, it came with built-in discounts because, as the dentist might say, “The drill’s already warmed up!”

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7. Crown Removal: Next Week’s Fun Adventure

Next week, I get to have a “false crown” removed. Apparently, a cavity snuck in under it. (Yes, this happens. No, I didn’t know it could.)

Here’s the good news: explosives won’t be necessary to remove the crown. Instead, they’ll use a “tool” that “turns the glue into water,” allowing the crown to practically leap out of my mouth. At least, that’s how it was explained to me. I’m choosing to believe this process will be as magical and painless as described.

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Final Thoughts: A Dentist Visit to Remember

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t the worst dentist visit. Sure, I left with a numb face, a bonus cavity, and a few less dollars in my bank account. But I also left with functioning teeth, a renewed appreciation for the block, and the knowledge that my crown removal won’t require dynamite.

Here’s hoping next week’s crown adventure is just as “pleasant.” And by pleasant, I mean over quickly, with minimal drama and no surprise soundtrack changes.